I. A Fable of Growth: Be an Apple Tree That Always Grows
In the vast orchard, there is an ordinary apple tree. It grows hard and finally welcomes the moment of bearing fruit. In the first year, it bears 10 apples full of expectations. However, to its dismay, 9 apples are taken away by others and it only gets 1. The apple tree's heart is filled with unfairness and indignation, feeling that its efforts have not received due rewards. So, it makes a wrong decision - to cut off its own meridians and refuse to grow any further.
In the second year, its yield dropped significantly, bearing only five apples. This time, four of them were taken away again, leaving only one for itself. However, the apple tree comforted itself, saying, "Haha, the proportion I got last year was 10%. This year it has reached 20%, doubling that of last year." Its heart seemed to have achieved a false balance.
In fact, this apple tree has another option. It could have chosen to keep growing and make itself more robust. For example, in the second year, it was fully capable of bearing 100 fruits. Even if 90 of them were taken away, it would still get 10. It's even possible that 99 were taken away and only 1 was left, but that doesn't matter. Because it can keep growing, bearing 1000 fruits in the third year, and keep breaking through itself in the fourth year, the fifth year...
In this story, the number of fruits obtained is not the key. What really matters is that the apple tree is constantly growing. When it grows into a towering tree, those forces that once hindered its growth will become insignificant and even negligible. Therefore, we really shouldn't care too much about temporary gains and losses. Growth is the top priority in life.
This is just like us in the workplace. When we first enter the workplace, we are all talented and high-spirited, firmly believing that "everyone is born with some talent to be used." However, reality often throws cold water on us. Maybe we have made great contributions to the unit, but no one pays attention; maybe we only get verbal praise without any actual benefits; or maybe we encounter all kinds of unfair treatments. Just like that apple tree, we feel that there is a huge gap between our efforts and our rewards.
Then, anger, annoyance, and complaints follow us like a shadow. Eventually, we choose not to work as hard and make our efforts match our rewards. After a few years, when we look back on the past, we will be surprised to find that our former passion and talent have vanished. We are used to joking about ourselves by saying "We're old and more mature", but in fact, we have stopped growing.
Such stories are not uncommon in our lives. The reason why we make such mistakes is that we forget that life is a complete journey. We mistakenly think that we have already grown up and it's time to reap the fruits now. We focus too much on temporary gains and losses and ignore that growth is the core of life.
Fortunately, this is not as irreversible as self - severing one's meridians in Jin Yong's novels. We can change our ways and get back on the path of growth at any time. If you are an employee and encounter a boss or corporate culture with poor management, brutal management, or wrong management, you must remind yourself never to self - sever your "meridians" out of anger and complaints. No matter what difficulties you encounter, you should be like that ever - growing apple tree, because growth is always more important than your monthly salary.
II. Fable of Motivation: For Whom Are the Children Playing
In a quiet neighborhood, there lived an old man alone. A group of lively and active children often frolicked in front of the old man's door. Their shouts came one after another, breaking the original tranquility. After a few days, the old man really couldn't stand the noise.
Then, the old man came up with a way. He walked out of his house, gave each child 25 cents, and said to them kindly, "You've made this place extremely lively. I feel much younger. This little money is my gratitude." After getting the money, the children were very happy, thinking that their playing had been recognized and rewarded.
The next day, the children still came to the old man's door to play and make noise. The old man came out again and gave each child 15 cents. He explained that he didn't have a fixed income and could only give less. The children thought 15 cents was still okay and left cheerfully as before.
However, on the third day, the old man only gave each child 5 cents. The children flew into a rage immediately. They felt that they had made great efforts but only got so little money. They all swore to the old man that they would never play for him again.
This fable is actually a deeper interpretation of the apple tree fable. The reason why the apple tree cuts off its own veins is that it doesn't "play" for itself. Human motives can be divided into internal motives and external motives. When we act according to internal motives, we are the masters of ourselves and can control our own behaviors and emotions. However, if we are driven by external motives, we will be influenced by external factors and become their slaves.
In this story, the old man skillfully transformed the children's internal motivation of "playing for their own pleasure" into the external motivation of "playing for getting cents". By manipulating the external factor of cents, he successfully controlled the children's behavior. This is like in the workplace. The old man is like our boss or supervisor, and the cents are like our various external rewards such as salaries and bonuses.
If we take external evaluations as a reference coordinate, our emotions are likely to be affected. Since external factors are beyond our control, they can easily deviate from our internal expectations, causing us to feel dissatisfied and complain. These negative emotions will make us feel painful. To relieve the pain, we often lower our internal expectations. The most common way is to reduce the effort we put into work.
The reason why a person develops an external evaluation system is largely that their parents like to control them. Parents often use methods such as verbal rewards and punishments, and material rewards and punishments to control their children, while ignoring the children's own motivation. As time passes, children will forget their original intentions and care too much about external evaluations when doing anything. When they are at school, they forget the original motivation for learning - curiosity and the joy of learning; after starting work, they forget the original motivation for working - the joy of growth, and the evaluations from their superiors and the fluctuations in income have become the greatest sources of their happiness and pain at work.
So, we should remember that the external evaluation system may be hereditary in the family, but we are fully capable of breaking it. From now on, we should cultivate our own internal evaluation system and turn learning and work into "playing for ourselves".
III. A Fable about Planning: Folding a Piece of Paper 51 Times
Imagine that you have a large enough piece of white paper in your hand. Now, your task is to fold this paper 51 times. So, how tall will the folded paper be? You might think it's probably as tall as a refrigerator, or a floor of a building, or a skyscraper. But in fact, all these answers are far off. The thickness of the paper after being folded 51 times exceeds the distance between the Earth and the Sun.
To verify this idea, I once asked more than a dozen people. Only two people thought it might be an unimaginably high altitude, while the highest altitude the others could think of was just that of a skyscraper.
Let's make another comparison. If we simply stack 51 white papers together, the height will be very limited. This comparison has shocked many people. In fact, a life without direction and lacking in planning is just like simply stacking 51 white papers together. One does one thing today and another thing tomorrow, and there is no connection between each effort. Even if each task is done extremely well, it's just a simple addition for the whole life and cannot form a strong combined force.
Of course, life is far more complicated than this fable. Some people identify a clear direction in life and stick to it unwaveringly, eventually reaching a height that others can hardly achieve. For example, one of my friends has made English his life's direction. He spent more than a decade working hard to learn it, and his vocabulary memory alone reached over a hundred thousand words. He has achieved remarkable success in the field of English.
There are also some people whose life directions are very clear. For example, they want to start a company and become bosses. To achieve this goal, they need to master a variety of skills, such as professional skills, management skills, communication skills, decision-making skills and so on. At the beginning, they may try to do different things without excelling in any one of them. But ultimately, the clear direction of starting a company and becoming a boss will integrate their seemingly scattered efforts before and form a complex and effective life plan.
Nowadays, it's popular for many people to look for answers in invisible places. For example, they engage in potential development and learn success theories, believing that one needs to rely on some miracles to achieve success in life. However, in my opinion, Mao Zhengqiang, a counselor at Dongguan Hengyuan Psychological Counseling Center, put it quite right. "Making good use of existing abilities through planning is far more important than tapping so - called potential." We should attach importance to the power of planning and set clear goals and directions for our own lives.
IV. The Fable of Evasion: The Kitten's Tricks to Escape Its Shadow
The kittens Tom and Toby both hated their own shadows very much. They thought the shadows were annoying fellows and were determined to get rid of them. However, no matter where they went, as long as the sun came out, they would see the shadows that drove them crazy.
After some efforts, Tom and Toby finally found the solutions they each thought of. Tom chose to keep his eyes closed forever, thinking that he wouldn't see the shadow this way; Toby decided to stay in the shadows of other things forever, believing that he could avoid his own shadow in this manner.
This fable reveals how a minor psychological problem can evolve into a more serious one. It can be said that all psychological problems stem from the distortion of facts. The facts mentioned here mainly refer to those negative events that cause us pain.
Due to painful experiences, we often don't want to face these negative events. However, once these events occur, they will accompany us throughout our lives. At most, we can only suppress them into our subconscious, which is the so - called "forgetting". Nevertheless, these negative events still play a role in the subconscious. Even if we forget the facts completely, the pain they bring will still attack us from time to time, making us inexplicably sad and unable to control our emotions. In order to avoid this pain, we will make further efforts to escape.
In the end, there are usually two solutions. One is to completely distort one's own experience, just like the kitten Tom, and turn a blind eye to all the important negative facts in life. The other is to simply surrender to pain, just like the kitten Toby, and mess up one's own life so that the original event that caused the most heartache doesn't seem so painful.
Li Ling, a counselor at Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said that 99% of drug addicts have had painful experiences. The reason they take drugs is to escape these pains. This is like hiding in the shadows. To avoid a small devil, they sell themselves to a bigger one. There are also many adult alcoholics who have an alcoholic and violent father and have suffered a lot of torture. To forget these pains, they also adopt similar methods.
In addition to these obvious wrong methods, humans have invented countless ways to avoid pain. Freud called these ways psychological defense mechanisms. When in extreme pain, these defense mechanisms are necessary. However, if the facts are distorted too much, more psychological problems will arise, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety disorder, multiple personality disorder, and even schizophrenia.
There is only one true way to health, and that is to face pain head-on. Those who dare to face pain directly will gain many unexpected rewards from it, and these rewards will ultimately become their life treasures.
We should remember that just like light, shadows are also the treasures of life. An important psychological law is that no matter how painful a thing is, we can't escape it. We can only face it bravely, resolve it, surpass it, and finally reach a reconciliation with it. If we ourselves temporarily lack enough strength, we can seek help, such as confiding in relatives and friends or looking for a professional psychological counselor, and let the people we trust accompany us to face these painful things together.
The American psychologist Rogers was once the loneliest person. However, after he bravely faced this fact and worked hard to resolve it, he became a true master in interpersonal relationships. The American psychologist Frank had an alcoholic and tyrannical stepfather and a terrible mother. He confronted this fact and finally forgave his parents, and then became an expert in treating problems in this area. The Japanese psychologist Morita Shoma was once a severe neurosis patient. But by challenging his own illness, he eventually invented Morita Therapy. They have all proved that as long as one bravely faces pain, the painful experiences in life will ultimately become precious wealth.
V. Fable of Action: Crab, Owl and Bat
A crab, an owl, and a bat went to a bad - habit remediation class together. After several years of study, they all graduated successfully and obtained doctoral degrees. However, surprisingly, the crab still walked sideways, the owl still slept during the day and was active at night, and the bat still lived hanging upside - down.
This is a fable by Master Huang Yongyu. Its moral is very simple: Action is more important than knowledge. In the field of mental health, this fable is also thought-provoking.
The knowledge of psychology is like an immense ocean, profound and extensive. However, no matter how much and how good the psychological knowledge is, it cannot automatically help a person become healthier. Just like crabs, owls, and bats, although they have learned a lot of knowledge and obtained doctoral degrees, they have not translated what they have learned into actual actions, so their behaviors have not changed.
In our lives, many people are just like them. We have learned a lot of knowledge about health, growth, and happiness, but we haven't applied this knowledge to real life. We know how to maintain a positive attitude, how to improve interpersonal relationships, and how to improve work efficiency, but we always stay at the theoretical level and lack practical actions.
Therefore, we should understand that knowledge is just a tool. Only through practical actions can we transform knowledge into real power. We should not merely be content with learning knowledge. Instead, we should be brave enough to practice and apply the knowledge we have learned to all aspects of life. Only in this way can we continuously grow and become healthier, happier and more successful.
The Dilemmas and Reasons in Psychology Learning
In the field of psychological learning, we often come across some rather interesting yet thought-provoking phenomena. There is a group of people who have been immersed in the ocean of psychological knowledge for many years, harboring the beautiful vision of healing themselves through learning psychology. They listen attentively in class, absorb knowledge from books, participate in various academic seminars, and have enthusiastic exchanges with their peers, believing that as long as they master enough psychological theories, they can solve their own problems. However, when the years of learning have quietly passed, they are surprised to find that their problems still persist, without any substantial improvement.
Behind this phenomenon, there lies a key factor, which is that they only stay on the surface of knowledge and fail to truly integrate the knowledge they have learned into their own lives. For them, psychological knowledge is like the stars in the distant night sky. Although they are dazzlingly bright, they are out of reach. They only have an understanding of this knowledge at the theoretical level and have never transformed it into their own life experiences. If knowledge cannot be combined with practical actions, it can only be empty theory and cannot have a practical effect on personal growth and change.
The psychological path achieved by action ability
I have a friend who is full of enthusiasm for psychology, and his experience is quite different from those people mentioned above. At first, he was considered by several psychology professionals as not suitable for studying psychology, with the reason being that he was not sensitive enough. In the traditional concept of psychology, sensitivity is regarded as an important trait, which can help learners better perceive others' emotions and psychological states. However, my friend was not discouraged by others' evaluations. Although he lacked sensitivity, he possessed a more precious quality - strong initiative.
Whenever he comes across a good piece of psychological knowledge, he doesn't just stop at understanding and appreciating it. Instead, he immediately applies it to his own life. He practices the communication skills he has learned in his interactions with others and uses the emotional regulation methods he has learned when facing his own emotional problems. In this way, the once - distant knowledge gradually turns into his real life experiences. He doesn't need to master a vast amount of knowledge like some people do, but with his own ability to take action, he can effectively help himself solve problems and also give a lot of useful advice and help to those around him.
Sensitivity and initiative: which is the more important quality of a genius
From the experience of this friend, we can't help but ponder a question: In the study and practice of psychology, which is more important, sensitivity or action orientation? If high sensitivity is a kind of genius quality, like having a pair of insightful eyes that enable learners to keenly detect the subtle changes in others' and their own hearts, then high action orientation is undoubtedly an even more crucial genius quality.
Sensitivity can indeed help us better understand psychological knowledge. However, if we lack the ability to take action, this knowledge will only remain at the theoretical level and fail to play its actual role. On the other hand, the ability to take action enables us to transform the knowledge we have learned into actual actions. Through continuous practice and experimentation, we can internalize this knowledge into our own capabilities. Just like my friend, although he doesn't have high sensitivity, he has achieved good results in psychological practice thanks to his strong ability to take action. Therefore, on the path of pursuing psychology, we should pay more attention to cultivating our ability to take action, so that knowledge can truly take root, blossom, and bear fruit.
Self-power is the key
This phenomenon can also remind us of a common misunderstanding in psychological therapy. In today's society, people often overly believe in the magic of mysterious psychological treatments, thinking that as long as they find a well - known psychotherapist or participate in some miraculous psychological therapy courses, they can solve all problems. So, they search everywhere for the so - called "panacea", switching from one therapist to another and trying all kinds of different treatment methods. However, they ignore the most important fact: the real power always lies within themselves.
Mysterious knowledge, esoteric potential development, dazzling success theories, etc. These methods that seemingly can help us solve problems are actually just external auxiliary means. They are like crutches, which can provide certain support when we temporarily lose our balance, but ultimately we still have to stand up on our own legs. We are used to seeking answers externally and looking for strength from others, but we forget that there is a huge amount of energy hidden deep in our hearts. Only when we truly recognize our own strength and learn to use it can we really solve our own problems and achieve self-growth and change.
Knowledge needs to be transformed into self-practice
When we are reading some psychology books or listening to others' experience sharing, we are often moved by some eloquent and witty remarks and inspired by some novel ideas. The words and experiences of others are like a key, opening a door to new cognition for us. However, we cannot merely be satisfied with this momentary touch and inspiration. More importantly, we should truly apply the knowledge that we think is good to our own lives.
Knowledge can only realize its value in practice. If we merely regard others' experiences and knowledge as a topic of conversation without applying them to real life, then this knowledge will become meaningless. We should view this knowledge as a guide and a driving force to inspire ourselves to take action. When we transform this knowledge into our own practical actions, we can integrate it into our life experiences, thereby achieving self-growth and self-improvement.
Self-exploration endows meaning to survival
The Jewish philosopher Martin Buber once said, "You must begin yourself. If you do not penetrate existence with active love on your own, if you do not reveal the meaning of existence for yourself in your own way, then existence will remain meaningless for you." This statement profoundly reveals the importance of self-exploration and self-action.
In our lives, we can't always rely on others to tell us how we should live and what goals we should pursue. We must actively explore our inner world and discover what we truly want. Only when we face life with a positive attitude and experience life in our own unique way can we give real meaning to our existence. The meaning of existence is not given by others, but created by ourselves through continuous practice and exploration.
The beginning of a new fable: Bees and flowers
Now, let's temporarily shift our focus from psychological musings and enter a new world of fables—the story of bees and flowers. What kind of enlightenment will this fable bring to us? Let's wait and see.